I was a retard to leave it there I know. People make mistakes but I repeated the same mistake 2 years ago. That I cannot really forgive myself. I'll be more careful next time.
I went to the teachers and there was a search team. Many prefects were involved and I was grateful for everyone's help. Though at the time we found was nothing, all hopes seemed to be lost.
I suspected Amir, my classmate. Of course I had my reasons. Many people saw that there were people interacting with him outside my class and that they were acting strange. Though I swear to god I had never accused him of doing it. I didn't tell anyone in anyway that he was the one who stole my videocam. He realised that he was suspected and got pissed off when dp agitated him a bit. I called him yesterday to clear things up.
Seriously man, if you thought that I accused you of the crime then it was an misunderstanding, because I didn't. And if you're angry at me suspecting you, well please understand that I have my reasons. I hope this doesn't ruin things between us. I'm sorry.
I have a confession to make. At the time I felt that a malay did it. I don't want this to become a race issue but it was indeed what I felt inside. I don't know why. But what I felt had nothing to do with what I did. Every action was based on facts and proof. I didn't specially check on the malays or anything. I'm sorry to all the malays out there, my mindset was a bit racist. I'll change I swear.
Back to the story. At about half past noon I saw two Malays guy sneaking behind the Bengkel Landskap. They were doing something, I could not see clearly. There wasn't any prefects nearby then and they were leaving. I had to take things into my own hands at that moment. I halted them to check their bags. One of them was willing to let me inspect his sling bag white the the other avoided me and climbed out the school gate.
I followed him and asked Amir Yacob and a friend of his for their help. They were outside the school so I asked them to stop him and try to bring him back to school. After some time, they came back empty handed, claiming that he had walked quickly and got a motorbike and took off.
They could recognize their faces so we went to check for their names and class. All three of them, runaway guy, let-me-check-bag-guy, and motorbike guy are from 4v1. Shamsul, Shah and Fakhrul. So I contacted my father. Of course he was angry. He came to school got things done. Pengetua called Fakhrul to get to Shamsul. A threat was imposed that if they didn't return their steal the police will look into it.
Then I received a message from my father that they returned it. It was great news. I was damn relieved. Needless to say, I still felt guilty for my carelessness. I could not believe how unlucky I was. I mean I could have very well left it on the road and it may still be there a few days later but in school, it was out of sight for only an hour and it's already gone.
Anyways, I got it back from the school earlier today. This is the worst part. The memory has been deleted. Everything is gone. Footages of my family's trips to China, Taiwan, my magic, outings, everything, lost. I felt bad, but not bad enough.
I went home and my dad blew up. He said that those footages were precious memories that could not be brought back. So what now? Are they going to be sponsor my family another trip to Taiwan to collect back our lost clips? He planned to meet the guy's parents. Also he said that I wasn't feeling too bad about it, which reflects that I don't cherish the moments we've had and don't take them seriously.
He's right. I've let you down. I'm so immature. I'm already 17 yet I didn't thought of it that way. At the time I thought that it was a bummer but nothing could be done so let's just get over it. Apparently I was wrong. I felt like a piece of shit. It felt dark and empty. Right now, I feel worthless. What the hell are books for? What the hell is school for? I'm ignorant to many things. Why can't I brighten up? Why is it that my mind is stuck? Why don't I f**king grow up?
I hate myself for this. Hate is a word that I almost never use.
This is going to stay with me for the rest of my life.
*I freaking hate posts like this. But I need to remind myself of all the wrongs I did. I have to.*
No comments:
Post a Comment