Hiastatus

Hello, it's me.


4 years since I've last laid any trace of digital ink on this desert of a blog. Surreal.

I recall the end of 2010 when I posted about secondary school ending. The emotions were overwhelming, I've always wished I could be less pessimistic and less dim and grim about life. I've always wished by growing older I'll learn to be one with all. I'll learn to think like all. But existentialism and nihilism did me no good. I did not learn. I am sad about life. I am constantly in awe by the poetry and beauty that life lays before us. The simple, elegant, inevitable destination of everyone leaving. And the further destination of everyone together, being nothing.

I am now 23.

The feelings are back. My beloved Tembusu College friends are leaving. No one knows this, but I have cried at least on 2 occasions thinking about them. I love them so much. I love them so very much.

At this point of course do not expect a well thought out piece of any form or eloquence. This is blabber. This is rant. This is a feeling I sadly understand.

I stepped into the university uncertain. Unsure of how I will fit in, or not at all. I am no typical college student. I do not find great joy in making a lot of friends, to be tagged in group photos every few days, to high five and hug humans all the time and to thank everyone when some menial achievement occured as though it depended on them or they had anything to do with it at all.

I love learning. I love friends. I love to share. I love to listen. I love being stupid. I love being smart. I love being smart enough to know I am stupid. I really hope I can find people who likes me.

I am so happy to have found the group that I am in now. You all, if you are reading this, are truly precious to me. I will give my liver for you, if you really need it.

I am not sure once again of how to approach this. I am really sad. I love you all so much and I hate for us to not be together anymore. I understand this is silly and absurd to embrace. But I really wanted to invest time and knowledge on a time machine so we can do this at least a few more times.

Life is tremendously sad and we are lucky to live the sad moments. - Louis CK